The Rehab Diary - Day 6 to 9

Wednesday 27th December 2023

Woke up groggy again today, however from a very good sleep, so I am assuming a deep sleep, not a bad thing. After breakfast, we had a group session on 'Step 1' - for which yesterday I was given a workbook to work on. For those who don't know, Step 1 of the 12-step program is "We admitted we were powerless over our addiction". The group session was a good starting point to help complete the workbook which I have a week to complete before discussing with my key worker again.

After the morning session I took the afternoon to rest, get my washing done and I had a one-to-one wellbeing session, this is where you're just asked generally about your wellbeing, how you are feeling, are you comfortable, etc.

The final part of the day was an external CA meeting, my first ever CA meeting. CA is Cocaine Anonymous but it's open to any addiction and follows the same 12-step program as AA and NA. I was told by others in the rehab that CA was always a good meeting so thought I'd give it a go, like AA I could relate to a lot of what people were sharing and it was a great experience. I'd certainly consider CA again next week. A better format to AA for me personally.

Detox Medication: Diazepam 20 mg, Thiamine, Vitamin B Complex.

In the morning group session we were shown this video, I think it's a great representation of recovery and the disease of addiction, how it affects all walks of life, and how by sharing with other addicts can put a new perspective on your day.

During the group session we were given a very good analogy too, one that could be useful for a non-addict to understand how it feels for an addict when those cravings take over. That is, imagine being addicted to Oxygen, we all are, we need it to survive. Now, hold your breath, what happens - eventually your brain forces you to take a breath, to keep you alive, to keep you going. Now imagine someone is holding their hand over your mouth, so you can't take that breath - that is how powerful an addicts craving can be. It's a great analogy and sums up addictive nature.

Thursday 28th December 2023

Not a good day! - the withdrawal effects are now kicking in, I was warned and was aware that a 'benzo' or Diazepam detox can have delayed withdrawal effects. A friend I met at my home NA group messaged me this morning to ask how I was doing and that he had been speaking with someone who said to him "A valium (Diazepam) detox is considered to be the worst drugs to detox from". Man, he is right. Other than eating (I've still got my appetite) I have been in bed all day. Symptoms: dissociation, agitation and tiredness.

Detox Medication: Diazepam 15 mg, Thiamine, Vitamin B Complex.

Friday 29th December 2023

Felt a lot better today in comparison to yesterday, some of the withdrawal and shock had calmed down, my memory is absolutely useless though, I am needing to write everything down (good for the blog though). A rehab is great for those moments you're going through craving, you still stupidly ask the prescribers for more detox medication, but the physiological effect of someone saying NO helps, your brain then tends to move onto something else, something more productive. It's settling.

Today's group session was on relapse prevention. Some shocking statistics for the short term on relapse rates after treatment, as high as 60% on average and so the importance of the next 3 weeks on how to cope with those urges/cravings/triggers is going to be important. Everyone says you need willpower, willpower is not a good resource for an addict.

Detox Medication: Diazepam 10 mg, Thiamine, Vitamin B Complex, Zopiclone 7.5mg.

During sessions today we were shown an interesting video - The story of the Two Wolves is a popular legend of unknown exact origin, but usually associated with the Cherokee. The legend is the story of a grandfather, or elder, using a metaphor of two wolves fighting within him to explain inner conflicts to his grandson, or other young person.

Saturday 30th December 2023

Woke up feeling fresh and alert for the first time, I have been prescribed Zopiclone for 3 days to get through the worst of the withdrawal effects short term - specifically at night. Very chilled and relaxing day today, not too much going on. We had a quiz night.

Detox Medication: Diazepam 5 mg, Zopiclone 7.5mg.